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Will by Will Smith with Mark Manson

Posted by Raul Barral Tamayo en martes, 3 de mayo, 2022

Will smith has asserted his right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

One of the most dynamic and globally recognized entertainment forces of our time opens up fully about his life, in a brave and inspiring book that traces his learning curve to a place where outer success, inner happiness, and human connection are aligned. Along the way, Will tells the story in full of one of the most amazing rides through the worlds of music and film that anyone has ever had.

Will Smith’s transformation from a fearful child in a tense West Philadelphia home to one of the biggest pop stars of his era and then one of the biggest movie stars in Hollywood history, with a string of box office successes that will likely never be broken, is an epic tale of inner transformation and outer triumph, and Will tells it astonishingly well. But it’s only half the story.

Will Smith thought, with good reason, that he had won at life: not only was his own success unparalleled, his whole family was at the pinnacle of the entertainment world. Only they didn’t see it that way: they felt more like star performers in his circus, a seven-days-a-week job they hadn’t signed up for. It turned out Will Smith’s education wasn’t nearly over.

This memoir is the product of a profound journey of self-knowledge, a reckoning with all that your will can get you and all that it can leave behind. Written with the help of Mark Manson, author of the multi-million-copy bestseller The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Will is the story of how one exceptional man mastered his own emotions, written in a way that can help everyone else do the same.

Few of us will know the pressure of performing on the world’s biggest stages for the highest of stakes, but we can all understand that the fuel that works for one stage of our journey might have to be changed if we want to make it all the way home. The combination of genuine wisdom of universal value and a life story that is preposterously entertaining, even astonishing, puts Will the book, like its author, in a category by itself.

Will Smith is an actor, producer, and musician, and an Academy Award, Grammy, and NAACP award winner, who has enjoyed a diverse career encompassing films, television shows, and multiplatinum albums. He holds many box office records, including the most consecutive $100 million–grossing movies (eight). He and his wife founded the Will & Jada Smith Family Foundation to improve lives by providing invaluable resources to accelerate the growth of initiatives that focus on deepening individual and collective empowerment in the areas of arts and education, social empowerment, health and wellness, and sustainability.

Mark Manson is the number one New York Times bestselling author of Everything Is F*cked: A Book about Hope and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. Manson’s books have been translated into more than fifty languages and have sold over twelve million copies worldwide. Manson runs one of the largest personal-growth websites in the world, markmanson.net, with more than two million monthly readers and half a million subscribers.

Comments extracted from the book, they could be right or wrong, you decide for yourself:

  • «Stop thinking about the damn wall!» Daddio said. «There is no wall. There are only bricks. Your job is to lay this brick perfectly. Then move on to the next brick. Then lay that brick perfectly. Then the next one. Don’t be worrying about no wall. Your only concern is one brick».
  • The difference between a task that feels impossible and a task that feels doable is merely a matter of perspective.
  • For my entire career, I have been absolutely relentless. I’ve been committed to a work ethic of uncompromising intensity. And the secret to my success is as boring as it is unsurprising: You show up and you lay another brick. Pissed off? Lay another brick. Bad opening weekend? Lay another brick. Album sales dropping? Get up and lay another brick. Marriage failing? Lay another brick.
  • No matter what you’re going through, there is always another brick sitting right there in front of you, waiting to be laid. The only question is, are you going to get up and lay it?
  • My father gave me my name, he gave me his name, and he gave me my greatest advantage in life: my ability to weather adversity. He gave me will.
  • Daddio said: «Now, don’t y’all ever tell me there’s something you can’t do».
  • I’ve always thought of myself as a coward. Most of my memories of my childhood involve me being afraid in some way, afraid of other kids, afraid of being hurt or embarrassed, afraid of being seen as weak. But mostly, I was afraid of my father.
  • What you have come to understand as «Will Smith», the alien-annihilating MC, the bigger-than-life movie star, is largely a construction, a carefully crafted and honed character, designed to protect myself. To hide myself from the world. To hide the coward.
  • Daddio saw the world in terms of commanders and missions, a military mind-set that informed every aspect of his life. It was never just about scrubbing a floor, it was about your ability to follow orders, to exhibit self-discipline, and to complete a task with the utmost perfection. «Ninety-nine percent is the same as zero» was one of his favorite sayings.
  • The instilling of fear was (and still is to a large degree) a cultural parenting tactic in the Black community. Fear is embraced as a survival necessity. It is widely held belief that in order to protect Black children, they must fear parental authority. The instilling of fear is viewed as an offering of love.
  • Daddio’s ideology was centered on training us mentally and physically to handle life’s inevitable adversities, but what he unwittingly created was an environment of constant tension and anxiety.
  • I think the corporal punishment of my childhood just convinced me I was bad.
  • The constant fear during my childhood honed my sensitivity to every detail in my environment. From a very young age, I developed a razor-sharp intuition, an ability to attune to every emotion around me. Recognizing these emotions was crucial and critical for my personal safety.
  • My father was violent, but he was also at every game, play, and recital. He was an alcoholic, but he was sober at every premiere of every one of my movies. He listened to every record. He visited every studio. So many of my friends grew up either now knowing their fathers or not having their fathers around. But Daddio had my back and never abandoned his post, not even once. And while he never learned to overcome his own demons, he would cultivate in me the tools to confront my own.
  • My mother stood right back up, looked him in the eye, and calmly said, «Hit me all you want, but you can never hurt me». I have never forgotten that. The idea that he could hit her body but somehow she was in control of what «hurt» her? I wanted to be strong like that.
  • The fears create desires and the desires precipitate actions. These repetitive actions and predictable responses are the building blocks of great cinematic characters.
  • We choose the behaviors that we believe will deliver safety, stability, and love. And we repeat them, over and over again. In the movies, we call it a character; in real life, we call if personality.
  • How we decide to respond to our fears, that is the person we become. I decided to be funny.
  • If Harry was «fight», Ellen was «flight» and I became a pleaser. I wanted to please and placate him, because as long as Daddio was laughing and smiling, I believed, we would be safe. I was the entertainer in  the family. I wanted to keep everything light and fun and joyful.
  • Mom-mom would repeat all the time, «Never argue with a fool, because from a distance, people can’t tell who’s who».
  • For me, the border between fantasy and reality has always been thin and transparent, and I’ve been able to setp in and out of each effortlessly. The problem is one man’s fantasy is another man’s lie. I developed a reputation in the neighborhood as a compulsive liar. My friends felt like they could never trust what I said. What the other kids didn’t understand was that I didn’t lie about my perceptions, my perceptions lied to me. I would get lost; sometimes I would lose track of what was real and what I had made up.
  • One of the things about having an overactive imagination: I could make my mind believe anything. I was able to cultivate an almost delusional level of confidence.
  • The bigger the fantasy you live, the more painful the inevitable collision with reality.
  • Later in my life, I would invent the fantasy that becoming rich and famous would solve all of the other problems in my life. But the pursuit and maintenance of that fantasy only drove the people I loved further away from me.
  • Just like I couldn’t face my father. Just like I couldn’t face the neighborhood bullies. I couldn’t even tell someone that somebody else was potentially being hurt. What was wrong with me? Why was I always so afraid? Why was I such a coward?
  • Gigi was Jesus’s homegirl. I’ve met many people who say they are religious. But I’ve never met anyone who lived out Christ’s gospel the way my grandmother did. She walked and talked and embodied the example of Christ. This was not a Sunday thing for her. It was a 24-7-365 thing. Everything she said, everything she did, everything she thought, it was to glorify God.
  • I began to perform all the time. It gave me the warmth of affection but behind the protection of a mask. It was perfect: I could hide myself and be loved at the same time, mitigating the risk of vulnerability but gaining everything.
  • It’s impossible tob be unhappy when you’re grateful.
  • Every encounter I’ve ever had with overt racism was with people I estimated to be weak enemies at best. They always seemed unintelligent, angry, and to me, easily circumvented or defeated. So, consequently, overt racism (although dangerous and ever-present as an external threat) never made me feel inferior. I was raised to believe that I am inherently equipped to handle any problems that may arise in my life, racism included. Some combination of hard work, education, and God would topple any and all obstacles and enemies. The only variable was the level of my commitment to the fight.
  • Funny is color-bind; comedy defuses all negativity. It is impossible to be angry, hateful, or violent when you’re doubled over laughing.
  • If I was making the kids on the corner laugh, I wasn’t getting my ass kicked. If I was making the white kids at school laugh, I wasn’t a nigger. If I was making Daddio laugh, it meant my family was safe. I began to equate laughter with safety.
  • «The Number One Answer» is the perfect, mythical joke that obliterates everyone who hears it, no matter their race, creed, color, age, nation of origin, sexual orientation, no one would be safe from the power of this joke.
  • Over the years, in my romantic relationships, I would always do too much. This insatiable desire to please manifested as an exhausting neediness. To me, love was a performance, so if you weren’t clapping, I was failing. To succeed in love, the ones you care for must constantly applaud. Spoiler alert: This is not a way to have healthy relationships.
  • Start clean, stay clean was one of Daddio’s maxims. He used it for cooking and work. You clean up as you go along, not leaving one big mess for the end.
  • I buried my shortcomings further under layers and layers of performance. I adopted a personality that was indefatigably cheery, upbeat, and positive. I responded to the dissonance of my world by remaining purely constant: I was always smiling. Always fun and ready to laugh. Nothing wrong in my world. One day, I would be in charge, and everything was going to be perfect. I would be the golden child. My mother’s savior. My father’s usurper. It was going to be the performance of a lifetime. And over the next forty years, I would never break character. Not once.
  • Hip-hop was not just our music, it was dance; it was fashion, street art, politics, social justice. It was everything; it was life; it was us.
  • Words can affect how people view themselves, how they treat each other, how they navigate the world. Words can build people up, or they can tear them down. I decided that night that I wanted to use my words to empower others, to help rather than hurt. I never cursed again in my rhymes.
  • Internal power and confidence are born of insight and proficiency. When you understand something, or you’re good at something, you feel strong, and it makes you feel like you have something to offer.
  • Great concept from Jim Rohn: «Look at the five people you spend the most time with because that’s who you are».
  • Confucious had it right: It’s nearly impossible for the quality of your life to be higher than the quality of your friends.
  • Hope sustains life. Hope is the elixir of survival during our darkest times. The ability to envision and imagine a brighter day gives meaning to our suffering and renders it bearable. When we lose hope, we lose our central source of strength and resilience.
  • No one can accurately predict the future, but we all think we can. So advice at its best is one person’s limited perspective of the infinite possibilities before you. People’s advice is based on their fears, their experiences, their prejudices, and at the end of the day, their advice is just that: it’s theirs, not yours. YOU and NOW are a unique ocurrence, of which you are the most reliable measure of all the possibilities.
  • In the early days of hip-hop, «security» was defined as your biggest and tallest friend who didn’t smile.
  • From the day I met her, Melanie had been the center of my life. Healing the pain of her trauma became my constant preoccupation. I bound my self-steem to the sliding scale of her happiness. If she was happy, that meant I was a good person. If she was unhappy, that meant I was a monster.
  • When my mind locks onto an idea (when I commit to a system of beliefs) there are only two options: one, I complete the mission. Or two, I’m dead.
  • Living is the journey from not knowing to knowing. From not understanding to understanding. From confusion to clarity. By universal design you are born into a perplexing situation, bewildered, and you have one job as a human: figure this shit out.
  • The universe only teaches through experience.
  • It is so painful when people I care about miss the opportunity to elevate. Invariably, at critical moments, when the necessity to level up presents itself, some people rise to the occasion and other fold.
  • Daddio taught me a valuable lesson that day: It’s better to die than to walk around scared.
  • I discovered the vital importance of travel, it lends critical perspective. Things that had been debilitating problems in my mind on the streets of West Philly barely existed in a rodeo arena in Omaha, Nebraska.
  • As a general rule, if someone asks me if I can do something, the answer is always yes.
  • Some people thrive at high altitudes, but others can’t breathe. And what do people do when they climb a mountain and realize the air is too thin? They try to get back down as fast as possible.
  • I used to run right offstage, into the car, straight to the airport, to get back to Melanie as quickly as possible. I didn’t want to leave any room for my inner hyena to grab the wheel and drunk-drive through my life.
  • When you’re a twenty-year-old rapper from the inner city of Philadephia who’s just made his first million dollars, the only people who can afford to hang with you are other rappers, professional athletes, or drug dealers. I picked drug dealers.
  • I felt like my forgiveness had been such a gigantic gesture of love that she should be grateful to even be here. The truth was, I never actually forgave her.
  • original entry: https://raulbarraltamayo.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/will-by-will-smith-with-mark-manson/
  • Choosing the city you live in is as important as choosing your life partner.
  • I started sucker punching everybody and anybody who even looked at me sideways. I was angry, because even a Grammy, millions of dollars, and a candy-apple-red IROC didn’t even being to fill the holes inside of me.
  • Once you are rich, famours, successful (and you’re still insecure and unhappy) the terrifying thought begins to lurk: Maybe the problem is me.
  • I have given hundreds of jobs to people, many of whom have ultimately cracked and crumbled under the pressure of the possibilities. As the great Negro poet Charlie Mack once put it, «Pressure busts pipes, homie».
  • The music business is fickle, some records work; some don’t. That’s the natural way, the inevitable ebb and flow of the universe.
  • It’s respectable to lose to the universe. It’s a tragedy to lose to yourself.
  • Being famous, bit of a mixed bag; but fading famous sucks ass.
  • LA iluminated the limits to my fame. I was huge in the world of hip-hop, but in Hollywood, I was nobody. At a Lakers game, I was nobody.
  • There’s a strange thing that happens when someone falls: Your demise somehow proves to everyone you’ve ever disagreed with that they were right, and you were wrong. They develop a smugness and seem to get a brutal enjoyment our of the fact that God is finally punishing you.
  • People tend to have a schizophrenic relationship with winners, if you’re down too long, you become an underdog and they feel impelled to root for you. But if you’re ever unfortunate enough to be up too long, you better get a helmet.
  • «Being Hollywood» is like the worst thing you can be, it’s the definition of insincerity.
  • The world of acting unleashed all the artistic impulses within me. It was the first external canvas that felt big enough to hold the landscapes of my imagination. My musical expression always felt narrow and constrained by the limits of my skills and talents. Acting encompasses all the things that I am, storyteller, performer, comedian, musician, teacher.
  • I really like making music; but I love acting.
  • I was well into my twenties before I actually read an entire book cover to cover.
  • The Alchemist is probably the most influential book I’ve ever read. It empowered my dreamer’s spirit and validated my suffering.
  • The capacity to adjust and improvise is arguably the single most critical human ability.
  • The same angry, aggressive persona you cultivated as a child to protect yourself from bullies and predators will now destroy every relationship you have if you’re unwilling to let it go. A time will come when we must put them aside or die. Simply put, if we don’t adapt, we become extinct.
  • My personal and professional crash and burn had taught me a harsh, universal lesson: Nothing lasts forever. Everything rises and falls.
  • I asked myself: After television, what would be my next thing? There was only one answer: movies.
  • LA was different. There was a brazenness and a pervasiveness that made us feel uncertain. In Philly, you could easily discern the dangerous areas and avoid them. None of us carried guns in Philly; all of us carried guns in LA.
  • When you grow up in violent environments, your mind adapts to perceive threats everywhere. You reason that you cannot afford to get caught slipping, even once. You begin to respond to a perceived threat and to actual violence equally, even though they’re very different things.
  • There’s an old adage: I’d rather be judged by twelve than carried by six.
  • I studied my lines obsessively. In those early days of the Fresh Prince, I was so terrified of failing that I would memorize the entire screenplay, not just my lines, but everybody’s.
  • What does he want? As an actor, this is the single most important question to ask of the character you are preparing to portray. His «want»/dramatic quest is the first pillar of behavior.
  • What someone desires is a portal into the essential truth of their personality.
  • If you want to understand why someone did something, you need only answer the question, What did he want?
  • Acting is like building out a new personality for yourself from scratch.
  • The real acting fun beings with the second question: Why does he want it?
  • If you t hink about any movie you’ve ever liked, any character you’ve ever rooted for, it’s because they wanted something you could relate to and they struggled, risking life and limb, to achieve it.
  • What’s true about movies is also true about life: You tell me what you want, and I’ll tell you who you are.
  • Stephen Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said there are only two human problems: (1) knowing what you want, but not knowing how to get it; and (2) not knowing what you want.
  • Clarity of mission is a powerful cornerstone of success. Knowing what you want gives you direction to your life, every word, every action, every association, can be accurately chosen and harnessed to precipitate your desired outcome.
  • When you know what you want, it clarifies what you don’t want. And even painful decisions, though not easy, become simple.
  • We tend to think of our personalities as fixed and solid. Reality is, most of t he things that we think of as us are learned habits and patterns, and entirely malleable. We realize that the characters we play in a film are no different than the characters we play in life. What you think of as your «self» is a fragile construct.
  • If quitting is an option, you’ll never finish anything hard. The only way an imperfect mind can be forced to achieve is by removing all of its other options.
  • All of your dreams are on the other side of pain and difficulty. So, a mind that tries to seek pleasure and comfort and they easy way inadverntly poisons its dreams, your mind becomes a barrier to your dreams, an internal enemy.
  • In my experience, most people get divorced too soon, before they’ve extracted the lessons that will keep them from doing the exact same things in their next relationships.
  • We realized a film that might only earn $10 million in Spain could easily earn $15 to $25 million if you go to the country, do a premiere, a day of press, and a couple of fan events.
  • Published in 1949, The Hero with a Thousand Faces became my second literary love affair. It would be an overstatement to say that I bet my entire movie career on this book.
  • There are very few things in entertainment that are more combustible than a hit movie combined with a hit record. The song works as massive radio promotion for the movie that is essentially free. The music video acts like a trailer for the movie, and the movie sends fans to buy the album and request the song and video.
  • To all my young male readers: no means no. Nothing good comes from spending your hard-earned money on a «family home» that your wife doesn’t want. You are putting a down payment on discord and for years you will be paying off a mortgage of misery. Or worse.
  • Here’s the harsh reality for everyone who loves a dreamer: Everything comes second to the dream.
  • My belief was, When I get to the top of this mountain, I will never be scared again, I will never be sad again. I’ll never be abused or disrespected or unloved. Everything worth living for is at the top of this mountain. And there is nothing I am unwilling to leave or to lose to get there. And anyone who opposes or impedes my progress is my enemy.
  • Being a great father was central to my vision of the perfect life.
  • You fight how you train was one of Darrell’s central axioms. «You do everything how you do one thing». His position was: dreams are built on discipline; discipline is built on habits; habits are built on training. And training takes place in every single second and every situation of your life.
  • Darrell: «When situations get hot, you can’t rely on yo’ thinkin’ mind. You must have habituated reflexive responses that kick in without the necessity of thought. Never de-train your killer instincts».
  • The first rule of boxing: protect yourself at all times.
  • Ali’s name alone opened doors in a way I’d never experienced. It engendered the goodwill of every person we approached. The always-positive reaction was about people’s deep recognition and reverence for a life lived in integrity. In the face of grievious injustice, profound prejudice, and financial devastation, he never wavered from the convictions of this principles.
  • Desire is personal, narrow, and pointed, and tends toward self-preservation, self-gratification, and short-term gains and pleasures. Purpose is wider, broader, a longer-tem vision encompassing the benefit of others, something outside of yourself you’re willing to fight for. Desire is what you want; purpose is the flowering of what you are. Purpose has a way of contextualizing life’s unavoidable sufferings and making them meaningful and worthwhile.
  • Viktor Frankl: «In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice».
  • It’s impossible to build something that is of a higher quality than the quality of the people around you.
  • There’s only one fear worse than the fear of not attaining the object of your desire; and that’s the fear of losing it.
  • The axiom used to be opening weekend is about the movie star, final gross is about the movie.
  • I had to be perfect at all times.
  • It tooke me years to realize that Jada wasn’tactually playing Monopoly. She was bonding and connecting and enjoying family time. I was the only person who was actually playing Monopoly.
  • I’d conflated being successful with being loved and being happy.
  • My mind-set at the time was that there is no reason to do anything unless you are prepared to take a shot at being the best on earth.
  • When extreme emotions go unchecked, my experience has been that they will incinerate your dreams.
  • Nobody gives a shit about anything except how they feel. Feeling good is the most important thing to everyone, everywhere, at all times. People determine whether or not you love them by how well they feel you honor their feelings.
  • I have always been less concerned about someone’s immediate feelings than I have been about their overall well-being.
  • I don’t trust feelings; feelings come and go and change like the weather. You can’t plan around them. Just because somebody feels something, doesn’t make it true, doesn’t mena  that you’re right, in fact, the more extreme your feelings are they more likely it is thah they’re skewed.
  • People care less about facts, truth, probabilities, or intentions than they do about how they feel and how well you have displayed that you care about those feelings.
  • Nobody cares about you think and what you feel. They care about what they think and what they feel.
  • The number one greatest question that I have ever been asked is «What do you worship?». And the second greatest question is «Are you sure?».
  • No one can make a person happy. We can and must be helpful and kind and loving, but whether a person is happy or not is utterly out of your control. Every person must wage a solitary internal war for their own contentment.
  • Am I an addict? I don’t do drugs, I don’t really drink, I’m not hooked on sex like some ghetto hyena. But I did not know how to stop, or be still, or be quiet, or alone. I’m addicted  to the approval of others, and to secure their approval, I became addicted to winning. I became addicted to working, to grinding, and obsessively pursuing perfection.
  • Memory is not a flawless recording of what actually happened. It’s not a video of your experience. It’s not even a photograph. It is your psychological, artistic rendering. And it’s not fixed, it fades or expands over time. The problem is that most of us trust our memories implicitly. We then commit to these conclusions, unlocking the requisite emotions and the corresponding actions and behaviors. We move into the world clinging to our flawed assumptions, unleashing upon ourselves the cosmic consequences of wrong ideas.
  • I have only been single for a total of fifteen days. I hated being alone.
  • I might break my promise to you, but I’ll never break my promise to me.
  • Michaela: «As long as you do things for the approval of a woman you will never be free. That is a descending hell. And I’ll tell you, when a woman sees that she can bend you, she loses trust in you. We need you to be solid; we need your «yes» to be a yes, and your «no» to be a no. As long as you are twisting and contorting and selling yourself out for the affection of others, you will always be untrustworthy».
  • I was strangling my truth in the hopes of feeling safe, gaining approval, and being loved.
  • Explore. Experience. Experiment. Expand.
  • Gigi: «Let go and let God».
  • In order for our loved one to let go and die peacefully, they need to be explicitly reassured that we’re going to be OK after they are gone, that they did a great job with their life, and that we can handle it from here.
  • There are no relationships, careers, or houses with a name that can fill the hole. There is nothing that you can receive from the material world that will create inner peace of fulfillment. The truth is, «the Smile» is generated through output. It’s not something you get, it’s something you cultivate through giving. In the end, it will not matter one single bit how well they loved you, you will only gain «the Smile» based on how well you loved them.
  • The physics of love and happiness are counterintuitive. As long as we are stuck in the need to receive, we will be locked into disappointment, anger, and misery. The sweet paradox is being fulfilled by giving, that your output precipitates the input, giving and receiving become simultaneous. To love and to be loved is the highest human reward and ecstasy. Allowing the best within you to serve and unleash the best within others is the most intense of human pleasure.
  • Everyone is struggling. Everyone is having a hard time. Our hearts are starving. Loving, giving, helping, serving, protecting, nourishing, empowering, and forgiving are the secrets of «the Smile».
  • It’s easy to «love» somebody when they do what you want them to do, exactly how you want them to do it. But how do you behave when they step outside of your picture? How do you treat them when they hurt you? Those are the times that determine whether or not you actually love somebody.
  • Bravery does not mean the absence of fear. Bravery is learning to continue forward even when you’re terrified.
  • I’ve realized that for some reason. God placed the most beautiful things in life on the other side of our worst terrors. If we are not willing to stand in the face of the things that most deeply unnerve us, and then step across the invisible lien into the land of dread, then we won’t get to experience the best that life has to offer. So I’ve making a conscious effort to attack all the things that I’m scared of.

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